I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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