Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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