I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
