kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
the liver wants what the liver wants
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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