Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
