Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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