So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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