im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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