Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
