I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
