we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
