i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
