It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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