I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
