eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
