Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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