so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
