carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
