I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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