your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
