He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
