Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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