What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
