this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
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Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
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I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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