Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
