I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
