Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
