Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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