can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
