I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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