He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
