How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
