yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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