grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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