he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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