next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
