Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
