Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
