I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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