its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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