mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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