What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
