i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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