i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
