Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
