i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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