Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I see more hoeing in ur future
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