White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
