whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
