You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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