I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
