I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so much tequila, so little girl.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Your penis caused this!
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