Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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