my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
