Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
