it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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