ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
