If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
