I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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