you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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