M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
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Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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