Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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