hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
