I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
