so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
