I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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