Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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