I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
