I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
