I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
