Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
