its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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