i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
