there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
