wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
