Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
