btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
